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. How do you stop a rooser crowing on Sunday ? Eat him on Saturday !

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. What kind of bird lays electric eggs ? A battery hen !

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. What do you get from a drunk chicken ? Scotch eggs !

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. Why do ducks have webbed feet ? To stamp out forest fires !

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. What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer ? A brick-layer !

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. Why does a rooster watch TV ? For hentertainment !

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. What happens when geese land in a volcano ? They cook their own gooses !

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. Why were the hens lying on their backs with their legs in the air ? Because eggs were going up !

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. How do you make a tame duck wild? Annoy it.

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. What do you get if you cross an eagle with a skunk? A bird that stinks to high heaven.

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. What does an educated owl say? Whom.

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. What do confused owls say? Too-whit-to-why?

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. What did the baby owl's parents say when he wanted to go to a party? You're not owld enough.

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. What do Scottish owls sing? Owld Lang Syne.

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. What did the scornful owl say? Twit twoo.

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. Two owls were playing pool. One said, "Two hits." The other replied, "Two hits to who?"

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(owls): 93

. What do you get if you cross a giant, hairy monster with a penguin? I don't know but it's a very tightfitting tuxedo.

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. Why did a man's pet vulture not make a sound for five years? It was stuffed.

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. Teacher: What's a robin? Fred: A bird that steals, ma'am.

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. What do you call a vulture with no beak? A head banger.

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. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls (bagels, get it?).

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. Did you hear about the chicken that wanted to take ballet lessons? "He wanted to be a hentertainer."

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. What kind of doctor does a duck visit? A Ducktor.

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. Chicken to turkey: "Only Thanksgiving and Christmas??? You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday."

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. Why did the chicken cross the road in Missouri? To show the opossum it could be done.

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. How many ducks would there be, if you saw two ducks in front of two ducks, two ducks between two ducks, and two ducks behind two ducks? Answer: 4 ducks-because they are in a row.

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. A couple of pigeons made a date to meet on the ledge outside the tenth floor of a skyscraper. The female was there on time, but the male arrived an hour late. "Where were you? I was worried sick." "It was such nice day, I decided to walk."

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. "Look at that speed!" said one hawk to another as the jet fighter plane hurtled over their heads. "Hmph!" snorted the other. "You would fly fast too if your tail was on fire!"

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(look): 188

. Good news! I've been given a goldfish for my birthday . . .the bad news is that I don't get the bowl until my next birthday!

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. The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep. "Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am," he said politely, "but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread." "That's right." "Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake." "Well, today is his birthday."

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. Fred: Have you noticed that your mother smells a bit funny these days? Harry: No. Why? Fred: Well, your sister told me she was giving her a bottle of toilet water for her birthday.

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. Fred: I was going to buy you a handkerchief for your birthday. Harry: That was a kind thought. But why didn't you? Fred: I couldn't find one big enough for your nose.

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. I'd like to say something nice about you as it's your birthday. Why don't you? Because I can't think of a single thing to say!

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(like): 136

. A kindly old lady came across a little boy sitting on the pavement crying his eyes out. 'What's the matter?' she asked. 'It's my birthday!' he hollered. 'And I had a bicycle and a new tracksuit and this afternoon there's to be a party with crisps and jelly and a birthday cake and a disco afterwards. . .' and he had to stop talking because he was crying so hard. 'But that's lovely,' said the old lady. 'Why are you crying?' 'Because I'm lost!'

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. What did you get for your birthday? Another year!

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. When is your birthday? 17th January. What year? Every year!

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. Sam's girlfriend's birthday was the same day as his father's. He bought his girlfriend a bottle of perfume and his father a pistol. He wrapped the perfume and wrote a note to his girlfriend, saying, 'Use this all over yourself and think of me.' Unfortunately he put the note on his father's present.

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. Something happened to me yesterday that will never, ever, happen to me again. How can you be so sure? I was 10 years old yesterday.

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. How old were you on your last birthday? Eight. And how old will you be on your next birthday? Ten. Oh, I don't think that's possible. Oh, yes it is - I'm nine today.

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. Grandma, is it exciting being 99? It certainly is! If I wasn't 99 I'd be dead.

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. I forgot my brother's birthday last month. What did he say? Rick: Nothing, yet.

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. Will you come to my party on Saturday? Yes, please, What's the address? 25 The High Street. Just push the bell with your elbow. Why with my elbow? Well, you won't be empty-handed, will you!

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. I've been shopping for my wife's birthday present. What did you get her? A bottle of expensive toilet water. It cost 20. 20! Why didn't you come to my house - you could have had some of ours for free!

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. Dad bought Mum a bone-china tea set for her birthday. How lovely! Yes, but he only did it so as not to have to do the washing-up. Mum's too frightened he'll break it!

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(bought): 177

. What's the greatest birthday present? Hard to say - but a drum takes a lot of beating.

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(the): 92

. What did the burglar give his wife for her birthday? A stole.

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. Fred: I was going to buy you a handkerchief for your birthday. Betty: That was a kind thought. But why didn't you? Fred: I couldn't find one big enough for your nose.

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. Fred: Do you like the dictionary I bought you for your birthday? Harry: Sure. It's a great present but I just can't find the words to thank you enough.

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. A man who forgets his wife's birthday is certain to get something to remember her by.

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. BoyFriend: Why didn't you give me anything for my birthday? GirlFriend: You told me to surprise you.

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