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. What's a moo hoo for the sound you hear when a cow spits? A cud thud!

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. When a bull wants to listen to a cassette, what does he put on his head? Steer phones!

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. When is a farmer like a magician? When he turns his cow into pasture.

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. Where did the bull carry his stock-market report? In his beef case!

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. Where did the mooron take the baby cow to eat? To the calf-ateria!

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. Where do cows like to live? St. Moo-is.

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. Where do cows like to ride on trains? In the cow-boose.

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. Where do Danish cows come from? Cowpenhagenf

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. Where do milk shakes come from? Nervous cows!

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. Where do Russian cows come from? Moscow!

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. Where do steers go to dance? To the Meat Ball!

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. Where does a cow stop to drink? The milky way!

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. Why are cpws made for dancing? They're all born hoofers!

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. Why couldn't the cow leave the farm? She was pasteurized!

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. Why did Bossy slug Roy Rogers? She heard he was a cowpuncher!

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. Why did Bossy tell the cowpoke to leave her calf alone? She thought children should be seen and not herded!

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. Why did the cow jump over the moon? To get to the Milky Way!

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. Why did the farmer feed money to his cow? He wanted rich milk!

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. Why did the farmer fence in the bull? The farmer had too much of a steak in him to let him go!

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. Why did the farmer put brandy in the cow's food? He wanted to raised stewed beef!

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. Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales? He wanted to see how much the milky weighed!

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. Why did the moron give the sleepy cow a hammer? He wanted her to hit the hay!

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. Why do cows think cooks are mean? They whip cream!

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. Why doesn't Sweden export it's cattle? It wants to keep it's Stockholm!

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. Why don't cows ever have any money? Because the farmers milk them dry!

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. Why was he woman arrested on a cattle ranch for wearing a silk dress? She was charged with rustling!

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. Why was the calf afraid? He was a cow-herd!

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. Why wouldn't anyone play with the little longhorn? He was too much of a bully!

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. Your Honor, it was an accident! I had to run into the fence to keep from hitting the cow! Was it a Jersey cow? I don't know, I didn't see her license plate!

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. What is a cow's favourite TV show ? Dr Moo !

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. If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have ? Plenty of milk !

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. What's the best way to make a bull sweat ? Put him in a tight jumper !

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. Why do cows like being told jokes ? Because they like being amoosed !

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. What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus ? A cow that can milk itself !

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. Q. What does a cow make when the sun comes out? A. A shadow

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. What do you get when a cow goes to the Beach with tanning oil? Pre-tanned leather.

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. Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church. "When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral," Joe began. "You mean the parking lot," interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow. "I walked up the trail to the door," Joe continued. "The sidewalk to the door," Charlie corrected him. "Inside the door, I was met by this dude," Joe went on. "That would be the usher," Charlie explained. "Well, the usher led me down the chute," Joe said. "You mean the aisle," Charlie said. "Then, he led me to a stall and told me to sit there," Joe continued. "Pew," Charlie retorted. "Yeah," recalled Joe. "That's what that pretty lady said when I sat down beside her."

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. Who do zombie cowboys fight? Deadskins.

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. What did the cowboy maggot say when he went into the saloon bar? Gimme a slug of whiskey.

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. Who is in cowboy films and is always broke? Skint Eastwood.

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. What do you call a frog who wants to be a cowboy? Hoppalong Cassidy.

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. A police officer saw a man dressed as a cowboy in the street, complete with huge stetson hat, spurs, and six shooters. "Excuse me, sir," said the police officer, "who are you?" "My name's Tex, officer," said the cowboy. " eh?" said the police officer, "Are you from Texas?" "Nope, Louisiana." "Louisiana? So why are you called Tex?" "Don't want to be called Louise, do I .

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. Visitor: Wow, you have a lot of flies buzzing round your horses and cows. Do you ever shoo them? Cowboy: No we just let them go barefoot.

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. The swing doors of the Wild West saloon crashed open and in came Little Pete, black with fury. "All right!" he raged, "all right! Who did it? What goldarned varmint painted my horse blue?" The huge figure of Black Jake, notorious gunfighter and town baddie rose from a chair by the door. "It was me, shrimp," he drawled, bunching his gigantic fists, "what about it?" "Oh, well, er," stammered little Pete wretchedly, "all I wanted to say was. . .when are you going to give it another coat?"

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. Who do zombie cowboys fight? Deadskins.

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. Swint and Fess, two Oklahoma cowboys, were resting their horses out on the range. "What'd Emmaline give yew for yore birthday?" asked Swint. "Pair of cufflinks," said Fess. "But I ain't got no use for them. I can't even find anyplace to get my wrists pierced."

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. Back in the Old West three Texas cowboys were about to be hung for cattle rustling. The lynch mob brought the three men to a tree right at the edge of the Rio Grande. The idea was that when each man had died, they'd cut the rope and he'd drop into the river and drift out of sight They put the first cowboy in the noose, but he was so sweaty and greasy he slipped out, fell in the river and swam to freedom. They tied the noose around the second cowboy's head. He, too, oozed out of the rope, dropped into the river and got away. As they dragged the third Texan to the scaffold, he resisted, "Please! Would yaw'l tighten that noose a little bit? I can't swim!"

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. Q: Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? A: He has got no beef.

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. The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager. The cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's you're name?" "Sam," the cowboy moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied.... "The balcony."

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. Three cowboys of the world are sitting around camp talking about how tough they were and the tales kept getting bigger and bigger. The cowboy from Australia says, "I wrestled a 200 pound crocodile and may it cry like a baby." The Cowboy from Brazil shakes his head and says, "I killed a 400 pound steer with my bare hands." The Cowboy from Texas just smiled and kept stirring the campfire with his leg.

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